Does Your Elementary-aged Child Worry About This?
Posted by IT CommentatorOct 2
A school counselor recently informed me that she routinely sees kids as early as 3rd-5th grade who describe their greatest source of stress as grades, standardized tests, and what college they’re going to get into. (!) I was floored that kids that young have such things on their radar at all.
Does your child in that age range already care about standardized tests and colleges? Do they worry about grades?
What are your personal strategies for balancing reasonable expectations for best effort with avoiding undue pressure on your kids? Does anyone else think it’s madness to have our kids worrying about such things when they can barely divide two numbers or write legible cursive?
Evan wigged out about the MCAS test last year. It’s such a big deal to the school, that they, maybe without realizing it, pass that stress on to the kids. That they have to excel at it. I took it all of his plate and said DONT worry, the grade isn’t for you, it’s for them. That helped, but the pressure returns the day of the test.
As far as grades, my biggest message to the kids at report card time is: What did you get in Conduct and Effort? If those are an A, I couldn’t care less about the number grades. Said another way, if he brings home a C but is trying his very best and not cutting up in class, that’s an A in my book, and I’m quite satisfied.
I think it’s important that children know their grades now will affect them in high school and then college. Many students don’t realize that until they’ve graduated and then can’t get into a good college. I always knew my parents wanted me to make good grades, but I never understood the importance of it. I think children knowing that gives the task meaning and helps them set goals. I don’t think parents should over emphasize it though. There is always a delicate balance between supporting/guiding a child and pushing them.
When my daughter was in 5th grade she came home and told me that she wants to get a bachelors degree in economics and then a masters in business then go to law school and then into politics. I asked where she learned all of this and she told me the school was “prepping” them for the future. Not 3 weeks later she nearly had a break down from all the stress. I spoke with the counselor and the principal. They both agreed that they would not put that kind of pressure on the children again.
I told my daughter that it was wonderful to have such great ambition – but to please be a child first. I took her out of school for a week – I took a week off work – we played games, talked, and were kids together.
I don’t think I have ever been closer to my child. Good luck to you!
I think a lot of that stress is because parents are also buying into it and they reinforce it at home. Parents SHOULD make sure their kids are doing their homework and help them when necessary to understand what they are doing, but they should also recognize every child has good and bad subjects and they also need to get away from the books and have fun.
You can make science more fun for them by looking up wacky science experiments on the web. You can build things with your children so they learn how to use math a little better. They’ll learn a lot from you.
I live in a state that mandates end-of-course tests beginning in elementary school. I have found that these tests do place a lot of stress on students.
The content of the test is taught all year at the exclusion of other important information, in some cases.
My daughter also experienced an increase in stress just before and during the tests. I tried to reassure her and encourage her to do her best.
my daughter does worry about things like that she is all worked up about which college she s going to .ever since my son said that she’d
never make it to college she is now obsessed with it ,and shes in 5th grade .she says her dream is to go to harvard.she is doing alot better in school though.it does worry me though.
My child is only in 1st grade and she knows about the tests, but there isn’t huge emphasis in our family on them. I just remind her it is important to do the best she can and as long as she tries and makes an effort then I will be proud of her regardless of her scores.
well i must admit i was worried about that too when i was little, but my parents always reassured me to do my best. and they put me in sports, drama, dance, and singing lessons so i wouldnt miss out on acting like a kid when i was thinking about being an adult. i ended up being well rounded, at least i think so
My 4yr old’s biggest fear is death…he says he doesn’t want to die..I told him that God wants him to grow up to do great things in this world and when and if God thinks he is done, he will need him to do some more work in heaven….that seemed to ease his anxiety…I was starting to get very worried
My daughter constantly strives to do her best, and stresses out because she insist on going to LSU. she is only in the 4th grade. and she gets upset if she has a B instead of an A.
I never pressure her about school either. weird hugh.
Yes, no child left behind, standardized testing are importment
It could put a school on a failing list
The schools want to have higher than average
The children get the stress
School is about standardized testing today
I think it’s nuts to have standardized testing for any age…..it creates lots of undue pressure..
It doesn’t surprise me one bit that kids are worried about this stuff when so much emphasis is put on it.
I have a cousin who is currently in 7th grade. I know when he was in elementary school he would come home with a test that he had scored an A or A- and he was upset. He wanted an A+ on everything he did. He is still this way! He is the kid in all of his classes that sets the curve and they very rarely get one because he’s sure to get an A+ on everything.
As for college, he’s already looking into colleges that offer Pharmacy.
I think it depends which school they go to and how their teachers, friends and family are. A lot of kids, I think, worry about this stuff because they see and hear what their parents talk about and what has become of the world and economy today.
My 5th grader worries about testing, even though she truly has nothing to worry about. even though she isn’t even great at test taking she still scores above average on standardized tests.
She constantly worries that she may not get a 4.0. I have told her that I do not care about the number, as long as I KNOW she has tried her very best. At times I see papers come home that she has completely slacked on and that upsets me- but when she does her best, I don’t care about the actual grade.
College. She stresses a *little* bit. She will go to a college close to home. I know I may get thumbed down for this, but my girls are my life. I was not raised in the way some people think today (let their wings spread- let them go when they turn 18- let them grow up and find themselves etc etc). I have 2 major Universities by our home and my kids can choose one. I expect them to live with me during college years. We are a very close family. So far (at her young age) she thinks that way is better anyhow. Mostly everyone in our area does it this way, too. Her only concern is what she’ll be when she grows up.